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Resolving Conflict – Who’s Right? Who’s Wrong?
Conflict is simply part of life. No matter what the situation, circumstance or point of view, we all at one time or another face the unpleasantness and discomfort surrounding conflict. We’ve read a lot about: Is it better to be right or loved? Is it worth it to be at odds with someone by trying to convince that person that your point of view is the best one? Did you know that a person convinced against their will remains unconvinced still? What would it be like if you uncovered the solution to conflict, found a way to resolve differences and actually felt relieved because you both won?
Acceptance Help is on the way. Lisa Earle McCloud, author of The Triangle of Truth, shares in a down to earth, easy to understand a unique point of view on how we can handle the conflicting issues that face us without negotiation and come to a place of acceptance. How can something that has plagued us for years get resolved just by having a better appreciation of how our differences can be understood without compromise? All of us have experienced hurt. None of us are immune to disappointment, frustration, anger and misunderstandings. Our egos play an important role in communication – especially when we are blinded by a point of view different from our own. We can argue and push and hope our point of view (the right one!) is accepted. The reality is, it’s unlikely. In The Triangle of Truth, it becomes really clear that any time someone wrongs us and we get hurt, the natural tendency is to immediately want to defend our point of view. We find ourselves locked in the proverbial battle of right and wrong with no win-win end in sight. In Lisa’s book, however, she challenges us to be honest with ourselves and with the person we are ready to dismiss from our life. If there is no effort to come together, to recognize and acknowledge our vulnerabilities and imperfections, we can actually close the door to any future possibilities without really knowing why. Think of instances where people have wronged you (that’s how you view it!) and you simply can’t get past the episode, the accusation or whatever occurred that caused you distress. (A longtime friendship gone forever) Flawed and Fabulous Here’s the reality. Lisa states each of us is “flawed and fabulous” at the same time! We have our dark side and our shining light. We can be unkind, thoughtless and insensitive at one moment and be absolutely wonderful the next. (I can remember as youngsters when my mom would get compliments from friends and neighbors about my brother – the same guy who at home was a royal pain! Others found him polite, considerate and fun.) How could this be? It’s about duality. We all have different sides to who we are. When a conflict arises, even minor ones, we can only see our point of view through our ‘colored glasses’. Of course the other person has his/her own shortcomings the same as we do. We view that person as ‘flawed’ with no goodness in them. For example, I have a best friend who is cheap. When it comes to ‘splitting the dinner bill’ - she’s right down to the penny. From my perspective, it’s one of her ‘flaws’. On the other hand, this same friend has to be one of the most supportive, genuine and kind persons you’d ever meet. As I was reading, The Triangle of Truth, the light bulb went off! My dear friend is both “flawed and fabulous”. She may be cheap AND I can count on her unconditionally. In spite of it all, what a great friend to have. (I’m sure if asked, she’d be quick to identify my flaws as well - even if I don’t know what they could possibly be!) So, what does this all come down to? How are we ever going to progress as human beings and allow ourselves to be human if we are unwilling to acknowledge the duality of each of our lives? Do we only see someone’s ‘flaw’ in an argument or misunderstanding? Do we immediately blame, diminish and discount what might otherwise be a great relationship because we don’t stop to also see the ‘fabulous’ side? I have. And, it’s likely that you have as well. The Triangle of Truth takes you step by step through the process of understanding what is going on during a conflict and to see what’s happening with fresh eyes and a different heart place. Lisa Earle McCloud has created a masterpiece for those who cherish relationships and want to maintain closeness and understanding even when circumstances don’t go the way you’d like them to. Is this helpful? Please let us know in the comments your thoughts on this as well as other ways we can help you with your career and training.  Authored by: Bonnie Ross-Parker, The Joy of ConnectingYou can contact Bonnie at bootgirl@TheJOYofConnecting.com or 770.333.7923 Buy Now blog comments powered by Disqus |