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Gray Matters
All too often when I am working with my clients we hit a spot of black and white thinking. “I have to take a promotion under an awful manager or I’ll be fired and become a bag lady.” “I have to go into accounting or my parent’s wasted their money on my education.” “If I stand up for my work, I am being egocentric so I will just have to let someone else take credit for my work.” When we think either in black or white, we become stifled. We feel forced to choose from two undesirable options.
It is at this time that I like to remind my clients there are 256 shades of grade in the digital palette and that there are actually an infinite number of gray shades. This can open up our thinking. We are not choosing between A or B, but from amongst an infinite number of options between the two. Take for example thinking that standing up for your work makes you egocentric. There is a lot of space between not taking credit and thinking you are a goddess to be worshiped. Look on the continuum and find where you feel most comfortable. Where is a healthy and supportive space to be? How far can you take yourself out of victimhood and into self-respect? Living in the gray gives us a whole array of new options and allows us to find the best, personal choice for each of us. The Middle Provides Options The reason the black and white continuum has so much power is that it defines the game we are playing, the groups we belong, and our values. We feel there are no other choices except either accepting (black) or rejecting (white) the norm, the societal or business rules and structure. When we choose either black or white, we are still playing the same game as our associates, family, or peers. Whether we decide to adopt the societal norm or reject it, we are still accepted. We are accepted as the person to love or hate based by the rules created by that group. However, often we feel constrained by the black and white options we adopt. Sometimes, we can not find happiness and peace in the range of gray, but need to step outside of the continuum. But jumping outside of the continuum can be difficult. Stepping to the gray outside of the continuum can lead to the peer group ignoring us. They can no longer judge and categorize us by their viewpoint and therefore they don’t know what to do with us. It is times like this when we need to re-evaluate our personal values and determine what is most true to us. What is more important, a sense of belonging or standing true to our inner compass? The bright side is that sometimes when we let go of one group’s continuum, we can discover a new continuum and group which serve us better. Next time you are hit by constricting, stressful black and white thinking like “I can work 80 hour weeks or be poor,” “I can take care of myself or take care of my children,” or “I can be a team player or a troublemaker,” take a deep breath and jump into the gray to find that peaceful, stress-free, inner compass compatible choice. Is this helpful? Please let us know in the comments your thoughts on this as well as other ways we can help you with your career and training.  Authored
by: Melissa Heisler, It's My Life, Inc.blog comments powered by Disqus |